INTRODUCTION
1
In this text, we focus on the categorization of some axiological meanings and attributes associated with partner love and on the analysis of preferences linked to them. In the research in which we mapped moral aspects in the area of intimacy, sexuality and couple relationships, we also focused on constructions of partner love and other related factors. We also present results from the pilot study in which we assessed free associations about various love constructions. As for the research tool, in both cases we used a questionnaire compiled by us, which included, besides scaled and other items, open-ended questions. The research sample consisted of a total of 748 students (full-time and part-time), of younger and middle adult age and adolescents, from universities in Trnava, Nitra, Bratislava, Banská Bystrica and Prešov, of which 34% were men and 66% were women.
RESEARCH FINDINGS
Value meanings and attributes of partner love
In the pilot study we examined the diverse ideas and meanings that respondents associate with love (see, for example, Lukšík, Guillaume, 2018). As an outcome of that study and also of research on sexual morality and values in couple and sexual relationships (see, for example, Marková, 2015a,b), there were also 21 categories representing some axiological meanings and attributes of partner love. Of all the data collected, we focused only on those areas that concerned partner relationships, to cover some of the main value meanings and attributes of partner love. Specifically, we identified these 21 categories: 1. bonding with the partner 2. feeling of love 3. attractiveness for the partner 4. sexual attractiveness 5. sexual satisfaction 6. passion 7. feeling of safety 8. understanding toward the partner 9. appreciating the partner’s positive traits 10. interest in the partner’s welfare 11. balance between partners in meeting needs and interests 12. sense of responsibility for caring for the partner 13. trust, being able to trust one’s partner 14. merging with the partner 15. sacrificing oneself for the sake of the relationship or partner 16. personal enrichment 17. self-discovery 18. inner harmony between partners/in a partner relationship 19. opening up, talking about confidential matters 20. recognition and creating space for free self-realization of partners 21. shared activities with the partner
Preferences in the area of partner love
Subsequently, we used these 21 categories in the research as individual items in the questionnaire, which the men and women questioned rated on a five-point scale from 1 = not very important to 5 = very important. Specifically, we asked what they currently consider important in a couple intimate relationship based on their own experience, and on the above response scale they indicated the degree of importance they attribute to the observed meanings and attributes of couple relationships. These 21 value attributes and meanings of partner love were grouped into areas, within which we will also briefly describe them in this text using mean values and percentage evaluation of participants’ responses.
The first and, based on the mean (Table 1), one of the most important in pair relationships, according to the respondents was the feeling of love—the mean is 4.6. As much as 94% of respondents attribute high to very high importance to it in partnership. The feeling of love, that is, its emotional aspects is considered unimportant by 3% (Figure 1). As the other results in Table 1 also indicate, respondents attributed a fairly high importance to all of the examined attributes of partner love, and the difference in mean values is relatively small.
Table 1: Descriptive indicator (mean) - value attributes of partner love
Legend: Value attributes of partner love: 1. bonding with the partner, 2. feeling of love, 3. attractiveness for the partner, 4. sexual attractiveness, 5. sexual satisfaction, 6. passion, 7. feeling of safety, 8. understanding toward the partner, 9. appreciating the partner’s positive traits, 10. interest in the partner’s welfare, 11. balance between partners in meeting needs and interests, 12. sense of responsibility for caring for the partner, 13. trust, being able to trust one’s partner, 14. merging with the partner, 15. sacrificing oneself for the sake of the relationship or partner, 16. personal enrichment, 17. discovering oneself, 18. inner harmony between partners/in a couple relationship, 19. opening up, talking about intimate matters, 20. recognition and creation of space for the free realization of partners, 21. common activities with the partner.
Figure 12: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “feeling of love”
The next area groups the values of trust and safety. It is precisely the feeling of trust—being able to trust one’s partner—that respondents considered the most important attribute of partner love (mean is 4.7 – Table 1). 83% rated trust as very important and a further 10% as important, while for only 2% of respondents trust in their partnership is not essential (Figure 3). This is supported by results from Figure 4 as well—opening up and confidential communication is an important part of partner love for 84% of the respondents. The feeling of safety (mean is 4.5) is the third most important ingredient of couple love (Table 1). This is true for 87% of participants, while for 7% having a sense of safety in the relationship is not among the important parts of the relationship (Figure 2).
Figure 2: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “feeling of safety”
Figure 3: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “trust, being able to trust one’s partner”
Figure 4: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “opening up, talking about intimate matters”
Partner love is also connected with the ideal of connection or even fusion with one’s partner. Mean values of 4.3 and 4.2 indicate the high importance assigned to them by participants (Table 1). Specifically, 82% consider bonding with the partner to be an important attribute (Figure 5), and 79% also regard merging with the partner as partner love (Figure 6). Only 5% of respondents considered merging with the partner not important, which points to the continued vitality of the ideal of becoming “one” as a moral construction of couple relationships. Inner harmony in a couple relationship is very important for 42% and important for another 31% of respondents (Figure 7).
Figure 5: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “bonding with the partner”
Figure 6: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “merging with the partner”
Figure 7: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “inner harmony between partners/in a couple relationship”
Sexuality, passion and attractiveness form another observed component of the constructions of couple love. On the basis of mean values (Table 1), among these four attributes (attractiveness, sexual attractiveness, sexual satisfaction and passion), the highest importance assigned in pair relationships is for sexual attractiveness (the mean is 4.3 and overall 84% consider it important in a partner relationship—Figure 9), then passion (mean is 4.2, with 80% regarding it as important—Figure 11), then sexual satisfaction (mean is 4.1 and it is important for 77%—Figure 10), and finally attractiveness for the partner in the sense that the partner is attractive to the other partner (mean is 4.0, and 69% marked it as important—Figure 8). It is clear, however, that all these attributes are seen as relatively important parts of partnership.
Figure 8: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “attractiveness for the partner”
Figure 9: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “sexual attractiveness”
Figure 10: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “sexual satisfaction”
Figure 11: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “passion”
The area of giving and taking in relationships includes the attribute of balance between partners in meeting needs and interests. This aspect is also emphasized in psychological literature, and many authors and authors point to the need for balance between giving and receiving in a relationship. For participants as well, this represents an important meaning of partner love—the mean is 4.4 and the results in Figure 12 also show this: for 85% of respondents, a key aspect of partnership is meeting the needs and interests of both partners. This relates to recognition and creating space for partners’ free self-realization (Figure 13)—for 78% it is an important value in pair life to create space for personal growth and self-realization (mean is 4.1). The practical aspect, spending time together in activities with the partner (Figure 14), is significant for 83% of respondents (mean is 4.3).
Figure 12: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “balance between partners in meeting needs and interests”
Figure 13: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “recognition and creation of space for free realization of partners”
Figure 14: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “common activities with the partner”
A couple relationship should also provide space for personal enrichment and self-discovery. It is this attribute to which the lowest importance for pair functioning was attributed. Love is also supposed to provide personal enrichment—the importance is clear in Figure 15 for 49% of respondents, while the distribution of responses is fairly dispersed. This aspect was rated as the least important (mean is 3.5), and 20% consider personal enrichment as little important in a partner relationship. On the basis of the mean value (Table 1), the second least important attribute in partnership is discovering oneself—mean is 3.8. 62% consider self-discovery an important part of couple life, and conversely, 13% evaluated it as less important (Figure 16).
Figure 15: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “personal enrichment”
Figure 16: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “discovering oneself”
Finally, a fairly broadly represented area consists of attributes of giving emotional and relational positive feedback, care, and understanding toward the partner in a couple relationship. Specifically, there are five attributes: understanding one’s partner, appreciating the partner’s positive sides, interest in his or her welfare, a sense of responsibility to care for the partner, and sacrificing oneself for the benefit of the relationship or the partner. While understanding one’s partner appears as the third most important based on the mean (Table 1)—mean is 4.5 (89% consider it important in a partner relationship—Figure 17), sacrificing oneself for the benefit of the other person or the relationship is the third least important value in a couple relationship—mean is 3.9 (69% consider it an important attribute—Figure 21). As expected, important components of the notion of partner love are interest in the other person’s welfare (mean is 4.4), appreciating his or her positive traits (mean is 4.3) and a sense of responsibility to care for the partner (mean is 4.2). Only 3% to 7% of respondents consider these three attributes to be non-essential for a partner relationship (Figures 18-20).
Figure 17: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “understanding the partner”
Figure 18: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “appreciating the partner’s positive traits”
Figure 19: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “interest in the partner’s welfare”
Figure 20: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “sense of responsibility to care for the partner”
Figure 21: Percentage distribution of responses regarding the importance assessment of the attribute “sacrificing oneself for the benefit of the relationship or partner”
CONCLUSION
Based on the research we identified 21 axiological meanings and attributes of partner love, which we grouped into areas: feeling of love, safety and trust, connectedness with the partner, sex, passion and attractiveness, space for self-realization and common activities of partners, giving and receiving in the relationship. We then in further research examined the degree of their importance for partner relationships and their interrelations with additional factors (unpublished). Our results indicate that all assessed attributes and meanings of partner love are given a relatively high importance—the mean value on the five-point scale ranges from 4.7 to 3.5. As most important in couple relationships, men and women valued trust, more precisely being able to trust one’s partner, where the mean value was 4.7. The second most important was the feeling of love (mean is 4.6), followed by the feeling of safety and understanding of the partner as key attributes of couple relationships (the mean for both was 4.5). On the other hand, personal enrichment (mean is 3.5), self-discovery as an essential part of couple life (mean is 3.8), and sacrificing oneself for the relationship or partner (mean is 3.9) were indicated as less important for partner relationships. This may point to ideal moral constructions of couple love in favor of giving as receiving or obtaining, though not to the extent of self-sacrifice. It should be noted, however, that the difference in mean values is not marked, and these meanings and attributes are also attributed importance in partner relationships. These findings also confirm our previous results (e.g., Marková, 2015a,b, 2012, 2007 and others), according to which the dominant moral ideal is such a couple relationship that is based on values such as love, fidelity, responsibility, as well as emotional and relational aspects like emotional understanding, trust, mutual respect between partners, openness, intimacy, and closeness.
prof. PhDr. Dagmar Marková, PhD. Department of General and Applied Ethics, Faculty of Philosophy, Constantine the Philosopher University in Nitra
Note: The text was created with the support of VEGA grant 1/0426/18: The Psychological, Socio-Cultural and Biological Sources of Love.
BIBLIOGRAPHY:
LUKŠÍK, I. – GUILLAUME, M. 2018. Representations of love in the early stages of love. In: Human Affairs, vol. 28, no 3, 2018, p. 271–284. ISSN 1337-401X.
MARKOVÁ, D. 2007. Premarital sexuality in contexts of sexual diversity and variability. Bratislava: Regent, 2007. ISBN 978-80-88904-59-5.
MARKOVÁ, D. 2012. On sexuality, sexual morality and contemporary couple relationships. Nitra: Garmond, 2012. ISBN 978-80-89148-76-9.
MARKOVÁ, D. 2015(a). Moral values in sexual and partner relationships. Ljubljana: KUD Apokalipsa, 2015. ISBN 978-961-6894-67-8.
MARKOVÁ, D. 2015(b). Sexual morality in Slovakia and the Czech Republic. Ljubljana: KUD Apokalipsa, 2015. ISBN 978-961-6894-68-5.
1 The text was created with the support of VEGA grant 1/0426/18: Psychological, socio-cultural and biological sources of love. 2 The response scale ranged from 1 = not very important to 5 = very important. It applies to all figures in this text.