Is a caregiver invisible like an angel? Or is she just forgotten? Is it truly such an insignificant profession? And is it truly insignificant, or unnecessary? And if it is needed, why is it not important? Why does it receive the least attention?

It is one hour and thirty-five minutes into the late evening. On the last few nights, I have not been falling asleep well. I can choose what I will do. The most sensible and at the same time most responsible thing for my health would be to try to fall asleep. A second option would be to watch TV. But that does not help me fall asleep; rather, it does the opposite. It opens up new horizons and brings new knowledge. It is not Slovak television, which I have watched in the evenings for the last three years, but I am grateful that I no longer notice the difference between the Slovak and German language when I watch a program or a film. In fact, no wonder I wonder why I cannot fall asleep.

Before I gave my husband a goodnight kiss, with a runny nose, I admitted to him that I had watched a beautiful but sad film. He told me, “you even brought this one into bed with you last night.” I do not know what the film was called, but the main heroines were a pianist who had fallen ill with ALS. For those who have not heard of it yet, I looked up some information on the internet:

“ALS is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord. It destroys the motor neurons, which then cannot send impulses to muscles under voluntary control. Thus, the ability to control and coordinate muscle movements is lost. At the beginning, the disease only weakens the muscles, and later it affects fine motor skills. It gradually affects the forearms and eventually the whole hands. Patients very early are unable to care for themselves, stop walking, lose control of their facial muscles, and become fully paralyzed. In the final stages they receive specialized nutritional feeding, are on forced lung ventilation, and have 24-hour healthcare.”

The second heroine was a young girl who first accompanied the sick pianist, later cared for her, and eventually became the most important person to whom the pianist entrusted not only her final days of life, but also the decision not to die in hospital on machines, but rather to undergo a faster, although more painful, death at home with her own breath and final exhalation.

It was only a film!

Really? No, it was not only a film, it was a filmed story about a person who is dependent on a caregiver and about a person we would want to have by our side if something like that happened to us, or to our closest people. Why am I writing this for you, caregivers? You encounter such stories often.

Before I started writing this blog, I decided that the people living around us—you, me, my loved ones—should know a little more about your vocation.

Who is a caregiver, really? I know I cannot describe your work in one blog, so I decided to write a primer for the caregiver and care provider. A primer in which letters turn into syllables, syllables into words, and words join into sentences that should teach us something.

You may ask why a caregiver must learn anything when she already has a 220-hour course and several hundred hours of practice. Because a bear.

Because her profession is one of the hardest professions, even though our politicians still do not realize this. They rely on the fact that their life story will not end like that, and even if it did, they have and will have connections and somewhat more money than us mortals, so they can arrange premium equipment or a private caregiver for themselves.

Really? Maybe that premium equipment, yes, and maybe a caregiver too, but what kind? Qualified, good? What is a qualified and good caregiver.

If we start with the first letter of the alphabet, letter A, then perhaps the first words that come to your mind are Adam and angel. Well, that is good. These are words beginning with A, but what do they have in common? As you read this blog now, try to stop, do not read on, but think for yourself. You will surely reach wonderful things. What came to me?

Adam, in the Bible, in the book of books, is the symbol of the creation of human beings in the image of God.

He created him as a man and a woman. The symbolic image of the union of woman and man gives us the understanding that it is not good for one human being to be alone. A human being is to be a human being for another human being on Earth.

If a human being loses another human being, they lose God. If they lose God, they lose themselves. “Lord, I have no one to bring me to the lake when the water is churning; and while I come there myself, someone comes before me.” With these words, a sick person in Bethsaida answered Jesus when he was asked whether he wanted to be healed.

We do not need to film this biblical story. We can see it in our real life.

I am glad that discussion has ignited in the media about caregivers and also about the fact that we have too few of them. “Lord, I have no one; I have no person who would help me.” “When a prominent editor asked a very seriously affected woman whether she is afraid of death, she replied: not at all, but I fear that one morning I will wake up and there will be no one to hand me even a glass of water.”

When I meet you at your work in social service facilities and ask clients about their opinion of you, they often tell me that you are angels. “Sister, you are our angel.” They do not call you caregiver, because for them you are the nurse who not only feeds and washes them but also gives them medications, accompanies them to hospital, and is often with them even when they are sad about death.

What does Adam—the symbol of humanity—have in common with an angel? An angel is a symbol of a guide who comes to tell us something, or who simply walks with us so we feel safe, or who leads us along the path we should walk, or who supports us.

Being a good and qualified caregiver is being a good human being.

Being a good caregiver is when you are present with awareness among the people who need you. You listen to them intentionally, you talk to them intentionally, you care for them intentionally. Simply, you are not only at work, you are with them. You are their Adam and their angel. You have time for them.

Before I write something about the letter B in your primer, write to me which words, or even sentences, you would put into the caregiver’s primer for letter A. I have more of them. But the blog has to be short.

I wish you a good night and a blessed new day. I am going to sleep, because I have to go to work in the morning.

Author: PhDr. Mária Kovaľová, PhD. MHA

The author is a theologian focused on deaconal social work and a master of public health focused on controlled documentation and risk management. Since 1991, she has been engaged in caregiving with a focus on seniors. She is a quality consultant and auditor in social services. Since 2014, she has been the president of the Association of Professional Workers in Social Services and a co-founder of OZ Planéta malého prínca. www.aopss.sk