Being able to internally master self-management and adhere to prescribed self-discipline is one thing, but being able to present yourself outwardly is another. The art of communication cannot be learned overnight, but without mastering this skill, you can never claim to have achieved effective self-management. Even the most unpleasant things can be said elegantly, stylishly, and handled with ease if we can navigate communication correctly. Then, instead of divisive confrontation, a more desirable unifying coordination can occur if we can avoid the sins of communication.

You have certainly often heard a compliment for someone who could dance well and move gracefully at a ball — that they are a "lion of the salon." If you want to become a lion of communication, it is possible, but it requires practice and careful training. It is advisable to read a lot, give lectures, make presentations, rehearse some standard (frequently recurring — for example, when introducing yourself) model situations, study the etiquette of good manners and relevant ethical norms. Those who read a lot have a better vocabulary, richer language, and more attractive communication. At home, it is enough to master your mother tongue — for example, the melodious Slovak language; abroad, English is appropriate.

II. The Most Common Communication Sins

Just as religion knows the so-called "deadly sins," communication similarly records certain shortcomings that spoil it and which have been termed "communication sins." The most typical ones are these:

  • Negative attitude,
  • Overload,
  • Prejudices,
  • One-way communication,
  • Ambiguity,
  • Poor timing,
  • Gibberish.

Did you know that, for example, the English word "Kiss" also means an important communication principle besides a kiss?

III. Negative Attitude, Overload and Prejudices

People do not like those who frown, grumble, and find fault with everything. They prefer smiling, energetic, and active people. Most people dislike negative communication and bad news. By negative communication we mean passive, avoidant communication and a negative attitude. From practice we know and recognize that even the worst, most critical, threatening, and depressing message is received more easily if the speaker can deliver it in an acceptably positive way. For example, instead of telling a subordinate employee that their suggestion for improving work is utterly pathetic and unacceptable, you can say that you found it interesting and will help them improve it.

By overload we mean a situation where, even if you communicate with someone in their language, you can still lose them halfway if you overwhelm them with too much information or overly complex thoughts. Speak briefly and clearly. Instead of complex and elaborate sentences, communicate more purposefully, practically, and use simple short sentences. Experts call this approach the "kiss principle," because the term "kiss" in English means a kiss. KISS = Keep It Short and Simple, which means in principle that you should speak briefly and simply.

Sometimes it is advisable before a key conversation to probe and find out the other party's opinion on the issue you are going to discuss. This is called conducting the necessary reconnaissance in that direction, to determine what position or preliminary view the other party holds on the matter we want to communicate about. You must also admit to yourself whether you yourself have a bias or prejudice about the subject. If you do not honestly admit it and "deceive yourself," the listener will very quickly stop listening to what you are saying if they suspect the communication also has a hidden, manipulative dimension.

IV. One-Way Communication, Ambiguity, Poor Timing and Gibberish

Communication is not just speaking, but also listening. Stop being a narcissist and avoid one-way communication (for example, because you are the type who is exceptionally fond of yourself and enjoys listening to yourself in speeches and communication with partners). It is equally important sometimes to know how to listen better than to speak. Therefore, be careful to also listen during communication and understand the needs and viewpoints of your partner.

If your message is not clear or can be interpreted in more than one way (so-called alternative interpretation), the listener will wonder inwardly what you meant or implied. Therefore, spread your message and formulate your statement so that it has a clear and unambiguous meaning. For certain types of communication, timing is essential. For example, praise should not come too far removed from the act you are praising, as it will lose its effectiveness.

You must express yourself intelligibly, using language that the listener understands well. For example, when communicating with simple people, do not use many foreign words, and if something seems unclear, explain it even several times. The listener you are communicating with must not feel that your speech is incomprehensible gibberish to them. Quite the opposite — they should have a warm feeling that you are speaking exactly in the language of their tribe, which they understand perfectly.

So you cannot use your own language and your own way of thinking for the listener. If you want to communicate effectively, you need to know the level of education and cultural background of the person you are communicating with.

Conclusion:

If you do not want to pay for expensive language skills courses, then stick to common sense even in the area of communication — that is, speak clearly, briefly, concisely, intelligibly, tactfully, and cautiously. Moreover, in an appropriate style (form and content) that suits the listener or audience. And besides that, it is worth training the ability to listen well. If you do not learn to communicate well, you will find it difficult to master self-management, let alone managing others; you will not be able to sell yourself well either — for example, when looking for a new job or when using the most suitable arguments to ask for a raise in your current job.

About the author:

Ing. Emil Burák, PhD., 46 years old, educator and economist with diverse experience (e.g., 10 years as a top manager — in the private and public sectors, tax expert, former banker, analyst, project manager, consultant) and author (financial and tax expert, lecturer of management courses for entrepreneurs, university teacher) of 10 monographs and over 1,000 professional articles on economic and consulting topics at home and abroad.