Motto: A faithful marriage and cohabitation and a loving family atmosphere change the hearts of family members and turn them away from evil.
What is family?
The family can be understood as a collective being that differs from other families:
- by an unrepeatable and unique organism, that is, family constellations, relationships, and communication in the family;
- by its unique gift for family life, that is, the common reason of the family and a typical way of experiencing within the specific family, which is a visible expression of the transmission of experiences, habits, and customs primarily from parents to children in that family;
- by the level of achieved maturity in rational and emotional understanding and experiencing of the family as a group and in cultivating or neglecting the collective mental and spiritual potential of the family as a whole and of individual family members in particular;
- by will based on the needs, interests, and value orientations of the family and individual members of the family, where motivation determines the dynamics and goals of family life;
- by the conscience of the family and individual family members, that is, internalized principles of moral and prosocial perceiving, feeling, evaluating, and acting in the family and in individual family members— which are reflected both in the family’s conduct in its own circle and in actions directed outward.
The family is a holistic social, psychological, and spiritual “organism” that is distinctive in its temperament, unique character, wisdom, courage, and its own conscience and independent action. Or it can be the opposite: it can be low in temperament, lacking its own character and living according to inherited temperaments of others, unwisely, without courage, without its own conscience, and without acting independently.
The family today
In our present time, called the postmodern era, the family has found itself in chaos. Families are fairly often incomplete and dysfunctional; they are not able to create a socially, psychologically, and spiritually positive communication and relational network. And so the family is not sufficiently supportive of the physical, psychological, and social life of its members. The family is not always a supportive environment. Quite the contrary: in many cases it is an environment that endangers family members. The family environment is marked by disturbed family relationships, disturbed interpersonal communication, psychological manipulation, and social pathology. Such families are set apart from optimally functioning families by their serious family social problems.
Dysfunctional families are distinct in a negative sense from both social and psychological perspectives, and this reality marks members of such families (husband, wife, parent, child). This otherness causes psychological and social disadvantage for the person, thereby creating further problems for the dysfunctional family as a whole and for individual family members separately. It is common that a psychological problem appears in some family member, an inability to manage social stress, difficulty adapting to life circumstances, failure in communication with the environment, inability to establish oneself in life, or to organize life affairs. At the same time, it is true that “the family is the most important link of the natural system of human relationships. Family relationships determine, to some extent, other layers of social relationships.” (J. Máchová, 1970, p. 15.)
We understand this to mean that everything good and bad that happens in society is mirrored to some degree in the good or bad that happens in family life. J. Máchová (1970, p.16) distinguished family’s conceptual meanings as follows: Nuclear family, i.e., the immediate group composed of father, mother, and children (who all live together). Extended (wide) family, which includes additional relatives as well: grandparents, uncles, and aunts, cousins, and others. Together this group is identical with the concept of kinship (this is a more modern term for the older concept of family). Reference family—the family into which a particular person is born. Expanding family—this means the new family that a couple establishes through marriage.
J. Máchová claims—and we agree with her—that the complexity of the total social structure, total social communication, and total social conflicts is reflected in the family. She reached important statements, which are fully valid even today, so for precision we quote them literally (J. Máchová, 1970, p.18):
- “The greater the movement of family members (geographical, determined by the nature of employment, change of employment, socioeconomic, educational, religious), the weaker the family ties and the less the family contributes to maintaining its social position.
- The weaker the integration of the family, the more likely its members are to join general political or social movements of a deviant character. This also applies to juvenile delinquency.
- Psychological disruption in one member of the nuclear family has a disruptive effect on the whole family (especially in psychiatric cases).
- In every type of society, care for children and elderly relatives is recorded as part of family relations (even in the poorest societies).
- In all known societies there is also a prohibition of incest (sexual intercourse between members of the nuclear family with one another and between some members of the wider family).”
The family’s predisposition to good and evil?
We ask why, despite relatively similar conditions of material security and opportunities to live a dignified life, some nuclear or, otherwise, primary families fail in their social, psychological, and spiritual role due to serious shortcomings in fulfilling family duties of the mother, father, or children.
As with the heart of an individual, is a family also gifted to good and evil? Let us use conceptual construction: when the state as a social whole and families as smaller social wholes in the state do not honor a higher meaning of their life, then the state and families fall apart, and the disintegration of social, psychological, and spiritual community occurs. In neither the state nor the family is there motivation and enthusiasm of people, and there is also a lack of energy for as complete a realization as possible of people’s personal and family potential.
It is probably also caused by the fact (J. Šafin,2014) that people are often not able to know and distinguish the reality they live from illusion. The person of the 21st century is supported in illusions and recognizes what is not actually there, and, conversely, does not recognize what is real and true in his or her life. We only add that if people do not possess knowledge about their life and their reality, they cannot think, feel, or act according to the reality they live, nor according to what is true in their lives.
People must be guided toward knowledge that leads to truth rather than illusion, and this also in family life. The words of psychoanalyst E. Fromm apply here (1969, p. 123): “A person tends to go back and to go forward: this is only another way of saying that one has a tendency to good and to evil. ...He has freedom to choose between alternatives that are themselves determined by the overall situation in which the person finds himself. If, however, his heart has hardened to such a degree that there is no longer balance among his tendencies, he no longer has the possibility of free choice... Precisely because evil is human, because it is the potential for regression and the loss of our humanity, it is inside each of us.” E. Fromm adds that “we must not rely on someone to save us, but must be aware of the fact that wrong choices make us unable to save ourselves.”... In the case that “we have lost the ability to be moved by another human being’s suffering, by a friendly glance of the other person, ... if someone becomes indifferent to life, then there is no hope of choosing good. Then his or her heart has truly hardened so much that his or her ‘life’ is at the end.” (E. Fromm, 1969, p.123.)
The way to rid oneself of evil within oneself, and therefore also in the family, is built through awareness of the value and uniqueness of one’s own person and therefore self-respect, and awareness of the uniqueness and value of one’s close people in the family and therefore respect for other people. Self-respect and respect for others are, in our view, key realities in freeing people’s lives from evil.
Theoretically, one can assume that the declared norms of today and people’s actual living in the family environment are confusing for many. This applies also to the phenomenon of declared human dignity on one hand and lived violation of human dignity through unworthy forms of manipulation and violence in the family on the other hand. Spiritual and mental values of human existence are declared, i.e., people’s authentic experience, using E. Fromm’s expression (1969)—Being is declared, meaning the spiritual and psychological aspect of life. On the other hand, in people’s actual living, people are mainly encouraged toward values of material security and property. By the expression of E. Fromm in people’s living, Having is practiced—that is, owning, amassing, consuming.
Education of people as preventive measure and family
Our concept of family education in the family, which primarily concerns self-education of adults and the upbringing of children, is based on the fact that family members learn from one another and each one from oneself. The family learns to live together, and individual members learn to live as unique personalities. This happens every day because the family finds itself in many life situations where it is forced to solve material, psychological, spiritual, and social problems. And often it cannot cope with problematic relationships and unhealthy communication between family members. As family members learn from each other with reason and emotions, behavior and action, through imitation and identification, the family becomes an irreplaceable environment in which parents and children mutually socialize. The family learns how to live together. And at the same time, each family member learns to be an autonomous personality, that is, becomes personalized. Family members also learn a certain “guide” for life in social environments outside the family, that is, they enculturate themselves.
By supporting lifelong learning of the family and in the family, an opportunity and a significant means arises:
- Protection, development, and cultivation of the personal potential of family members—meaning the enrichment of their spiritual, psychological, and social potential.
- Protection, development, and cultivation of the potential of the family as a whole—meaning the enrichment of its spiritual, psychological, and social potential.
Emphasizing the need for learning by the whole family as a preventive measure for family development is related to the fact that the family, just as its individual members, must learn how to live and act. It should be visibly supported in its effort to achieve its own maturity as a whole and individual family members separately. As a collective being, the family should have the chance to work on its own spiritual, psychological, and social maturity, which in the end is what becomes known. The maturity of the family and its members is shown especially when the family enters socially burdensome life situations and is confronted with serious life problems.
It is generally accepted by thinkers, philosophers, and humanistically oriented psychologists that the highest goal of knowing for an individual person is self-knowledge. This is also true for family members. We know that through self-reflection a person forms over the whole life a personal, social, and cultural family identity. The psychological image of one’s own person significantly determines the way and level of life realization of a specific family member. As words of Jan Amos Komenský put it: Wisdom usefully serves a person by making him understand his way and everything he does—hence it follows that the study of wisdom must prepare the human mind for everything we have to undergo in activity or suffering during this life. Potential of the family
So, the secret of the family’s potential, of the family psyche, penetrates into the world through concrete manifestations and actions of the family. In the potential of the family there is implicitly psychological potential, which influences the nature of the family.
Psychological potential consists of a set of family dispositions that over the course of family life through learning are transformed into a psychological quality called:
- Worldview, family value orientation
(which are transformed dispositions of family members in valuing)—this is the way members of the family understand life. - Psychological properties (which are transformed dispositions of family members)—this is the expression of the family members’ life in these forms: In the form of abilities of individual family members (which are their transformed dispositions toward activity): this refers to individual cognitive and sensory/motor activities of family members. In the form of temperament and emotions of family members (which are their transformed dispositions toward excitability): this is the unique individual way of feeling and expressing family members. In the form of motives / motivations of family members (which are their transformed instincts and needs) this refers to the psychological energy, psychological focus, and psychological dynamics of family members. (M. Machalová, 2013, s.64; 2014.)
However, the strength of family potential without the psychological and spiritual self-regulation of the family as a whole and its individual members can threaten other families, other people, society, nature, planet Earth, and the cosmos. The absence of a spiritual dimension in family life and in individual family members has the consequence that family members and the family as a whole do not integrate into the order and discipline of Life. Family potential can thus harm the family itself. And in this sense, the fate of the family today depends more on its moral principles than on material prosperity. (M. Machalová, 2013, s. 64; 2014.)
Social education1 and family
A person in appropriate conditions has throughout life the ability to improve mentally and change behavior. Psychologically this is the natural process of achieving personal wholeness. The individual has a tendency toward self-regulation and self-awareness. The question is how to justify meaningfully why people need to learn to learn and not unlearn to learn and bring them to understand that the only thing they can use in social vulnerability, without any restriction, are their own capacities.
The significance of family learning as a whole and of individual members derives from the need to develop people’s ability to live, which we called a systemically overarching ability, life competence. (M. Machalová, 2013, s.72-73; 2014). The meaning of social education of the family lies in shaping rational, emotional, motivational, value, and social readiness primarily of parents and adult members for evaluating life reality and for optimal decision-making and action regarding the family.
The meaning of social education is to support the family and its members so they can adequately assess the family’s social situation. So they act constructively, intending to cope with a life situation under strain, and preserve mental and physical health as far as possible.
The general goal of social education of the family is: Social adaptation and integration of the personality of members of the family—that is, social survival and continuity of development of the family as a whole and its members within interpersonal relations and social communication in the family. The psychological goal of social education of the family is: Integration of the personality of individual members in the family and formation of their identity—that is, psychological integrity, self-image, worldview, and lifestyle. (M. Machalová, 2013, 2014).
Conclusion
Through the content of social education there is a chance to shape the family’s readiness for daily ordinary and demanding situations, which means developing these abilities of family members: to be a sensitive person—think and understand what is happening in the family, distinguish what is harmful to family life and what benefits family life, know how to apply knowledge in tasks of life in and beyond the family, act consciously and responsibly, be disciplined in family life, transform and create family life, have conscience and respect higher principles of family life: values and faith.
As in the poem Abeceda by Milan Rúfus (1978, p.179): Go, live on, it is stitched through: knife, tooth and under the tooth. You have what you need, and right on the cloth. Go, do not hesitate, you know the alphabet, write. You can do no more; only then will you understand. You do not know the truth. You only know the alphabet. In it, each day you spell out your poverty and your greatness. The anguish survived, oh, cruelty! Who will read this after us? Author: Prof. PhDr. Mária Machalová, CSc. Literature
FROMM, Erich. 1969. Lidské srdce – jeho nadání k dobru a zlu. Praha: Mladá fronta.136 s. MACHALOVÁ, Mária. 2013. Preventívna sociálna práca - Edukačná paradigma v sociálnej práci. Prešov: Prešovská univerzita.272 s. ISBN 978-80-555-0932-7. MACHALOVÁ, Mária. 2014. Edukačná sociálna práca. Prešov: Prešovská univerzita.327 s. ISBN 978-80-555-1118-4. MÁCHOVÁ, Jiřina. 1970. Spor o rodinu. Praha: Mladá fronta.133 s. RÚFUS, Milan. 1978. Básne. Bratislava: Knižnica Slovenského spisovateľa.384 s. ŠAFIN, Ján. 2014. Príhovor k otvoreniu konferencie. Nová sociálna edukácia človeka III. Terapie v pomáhajúcich profesiách. Pravoslávna bohoslovecká fakulta Prešovskej univerzity, Prešov, 3.11.2014.
1 Edukáciu chápeme ako širší pojem, ktorý subsumuje (zahŕňa) výchovu a vzdelávanie.