First edition, Detský hospic Plamienok, Bratislava 2005 © MUDr. Mária Jasenková and colleagues, Detský hospic Plamienok. Dear parents, dear friends,

we all long for joy and moments of happiness. We fight for them at times when they are lost. We grieve whenever we lose, so that we can find [them] again...

I decided to write this brochure because I believe in the power of help. I believe that we can support each other, manage together, and learn to carry the weight of pain together. I believe that help offered at the right moment in the right place can bring great relief.

I allowed myself to write part of the text in the first person. Although I have not experienced the death of my own child, I have gone through loss in life several times, which brought me a lot of pain. I grieved; the feelings and difficulties found in this brochure are very close to me. But only meeting you, the grieving parents, led me to deeper reflection on grief.

My thanks belong first of all to you—the parents and children. I learn and have learned especially from you. Thank you for your trust, courage, and openness in sharing your pain. I am also grateful for valuable comments from the staff and collaborators of Detský hospic Plamienok, especially doc. MUDr. Veronike Lehotskej, CSc., MUDr. Martine Mikeskovej, Mgr. Lýdii Ileninovej, Mgr. Milanovi Bariakovi, Mgr. Vierke Bónovej, Ľudmile Adame a Mgr. Marcele Daubnerovej. I also appreciate the kindness of the leadership and colleagues of Detskej onkologickej kliniky v Detskej fakultnej nemocnici v Bratislave na Kramároch, especially doc. MUDr. Emílie Kaiserovej, CSc., and MUDr. Daniely Sejnovej, who gave me enough time and space to devote myself to the matter of grief.

No one becomes an expert in grief, and yet in life everyone grieves.

May at least one thought in this brochure bring you inspiration and some relief.

In Bratislava, 10. 2. 2005

Mária Jasenková Contents:

LOVE AND GRIEF

FOR PARENTS WHO ARE EXPECTING A SEPARATION RITUAL

HOW WE GRIEVE Psychological distress Physical distress Changes in behavior Relationships with friends, acquaintances, and the wider family Spiritual suffering

WHO/WHAT CAN HELP IN GRIEF? For grieving mothers For grieving fathers For those who believe that life does not end with death How to get through anniversaries, holidays, Christmas

HOW CAN WE SEE WE ARE GETTING BETTER?

DO WE NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP? When it is good to consider professional help Where to find professional help Calming medication

CHILD GRIEF How children perceive death How to act toward grieving children

ADOLESCENT GRIEF How to act toward grieving adolescents When to consider professional help GRIEF OF OLDER PARENTS How you can help your children

GRIEF IN A PARTNER RELATIONSHIP ENVIRONMENT, FRIENDS, ACQUAINTANCES CHILD HOSPICE PLAMIENOK We walk together with grieving families

First edition, Detský hospic Plamienok, Bratislava 2005 © MUDr. Mária Jasenková and colleagues. Cover and design © Mgr. Bc. Art. Monika Bajlová Detský hospic Plamienok, Vajanského 3, 900 31 Stupava www.plamienok.sk