What happens in the minds and hearts of mothers who stand before the decision to stay in Slovakia without work, with a low wage that does not cover living costs, or to leave their family and start breathing financially more freely?
What happens in the minds and hearts of women, wives, and mothers who stand before the decision to stay in Slovakia without work, with a low wage that does not cover living costs, or to leave their family and start breathing more freely financially? Is it easy for a mother to leave her family? At the end of the 1990s and the beginning of the 2000s, spouses and fathers were leaving Slovakia for work to England, Ireland, Switzerland, Germany, and other countries. The pressure to survive and feed families began to break the stability of the home, the loyalty of relationships, and the sense of security of children. Men brought in money, built houses, paid off loans, but still something changed. Instead of securing the family, divorce rates slowly, quietly, yet with certainty increased. Fathers alone were no longer enough; today, in Austria alone, there are tens of thousands of women who leave for work. How many are there in Germany, in Switzerland?
If you want to get into the situation of such a woman, just take one trip on the night fast train from Kysak to Bratislava. In the sleeping car you meet women who travel by train, not by agency cars, for various reasons. Maybe to spend a bit longer with their loved ones, maybe because of sleep, hard to say, but it never happened to me that I would meet a woman—a mother—who would breathe freely and gladly get into the compartment. On the contrary, as soon as she lay down, I was listening to their phone calls with husbands, or older children. “Take care of yourselves, I love you, study, listen to your father, grandma…”
What makes mothers leave their family and children? How much sacrifice does a woman bring for such a two-week or three-week shift abroad? How many euros does a woman bring for such a sacrifice? How much silent stress? What would the Minister of Labour, Social Affairs and Family say? A lot? Little? Enough? Enough for what? And enough for whom? Enough to pay debts, school, and bills? Enough for whom? Children raised by grandparents, or for the street?
In the 21st century, mothers periodically leave their children in order to survive. This modern, and perhaps for some people seemingly insignificant, situation reminded me of Slovakia at the turn of the 19th and 20th centuries. My deaconical studies in Germany were influenced by the history of Slovak deaconry, especially of Maria and Kristína Royová. In 1904, Kristína Royová established in Stará Turá the shelter called "Útulok" for abandoned children, in which our own and other orphans, or abandoned children, had a home. The shelter was given the lovely name "Chalúpka". Many of you may not agree with me that children of mothers who return home from shifts abroad are orphans. And you are right—by legal definition they are not. They are only temporarily abandoned so their mother can earn a little money. Do they miss their moms? Maybe we do not feel the consequences of abandonment today, but won't it return to us like a boomerang in the future?
Why am I writing this blog at all? Because somehow I cannot, and really do not want to, accept that these mothers have to leave their children just to earn 700 or 800 euros. I know that is a lot of money for two weeks, but believe me, for more than 10 years I have heard many sad stories about mothers’ tears who no longer know how to give time back to their loved ones. Many of them cried through evenings and nights, weekends and holidays. They worked for the family that eventually broke apart. They sacrificed themselves out of love. And why? So that in the end they would have no time to give love, or even receive it?
And with the mouths of these women, I ask: “Why can’t they work as caregivers at home, with their families, husbands, children, friends?” It is not true that they cannot find caregiver work at home. They do, but for such a small amount of money that it does not secure the family’s expenses. One caregiver told me she earned more as a horse caretaker than as a caregiver in a senior facility. And the horse caretaker job was less demanding. Dear fellow citizens. Do you know how much a caregiver earns here? If not, find out before you shout at her in an institution, or in home caregiver service.
And so I also ask today’s politicians: are people today less than animals? Why has the work of a caregiver at the bedside of a sick or elderly person become so undervalued? How many elderly people today need a caregiver at home?
Is there really enough? We can use numbers too, but they are useless, because that elderly person still cannot afford her, and often neither can his or her family. Have we therefore fallen into a vicious circle? No. Believe me, this is not only about finances, because if it were only about finances, I would not be burdening you with this. It is about us. About civic responsibility, about whether we as citizens wake up and start changing the values of our social life and face today’s problem head-on. Or whether we join the crowd of women who leave their families and children?
I know that many women, thanks to work at the bedside abroad, became financially independent and breathed easier after financial debt stress. Many stood on their own feet and could leave their abusive or alcoholic partners who had pushed them into enforcement. Some women, not only young women, became more emancipated and free. And for that, I truly wish them from the heart. But this article is not about them.
Dear fellow citizens, all of you who have grandparents or sick relatives, but also us, whose lives this does not yet touch, do not pretend that Slovakia has no problem. Let us reflect on the problem of caring for our loved ones, and also on the profession of caregiver in social service facilities and in the home. Those who know even a little about life in care homes for seniors or homes for social services know that we lack caregivers and that facilities do not have enough money to pay those who have not only qualifications but also a heart for this work.
Today I am speaking for mothers who want to be caregivers at home and for the management of social service facilities that, every year, tries to ensure safe and good care with low financial subsidies and a low contribution from old-age or disability pensions.
I wish that mothers could stay with their children, see them grow up, and be examples of family stability and industriousness to them.
Author: PhDr. Mária Kovaľová, PhD. MHA
The author is a theologian focused on diaconical social work and a Master of Public Health with a focus on managed documentation and risk management. Since 1991, she has been engaged in caregiving care focused on seniors. She is a consultant and quality auditor in social services. Since 2014, she has been the president of the Association of Professional Workers in Social Services and a co-founder of NGO Planéta malého prínca. www.aopss.sk