Family Background of Child's Fear of School. Technique of Transformation of Negative Experiences into Positive.
From our point of view, the most important thing that parents can give their children is to give them:
- plenty of love,
- awareness of belonging with people and nature a
- to show them the way how they can optimally solve everyday tasks connected with ordinary life (Derková, 2018).
The goal of education defined in this way is in some contradiction with the performance-oriented model, which is currently applied by quite a few parents. Their goal is the achievement of the child's personal and professional success, related to the belief that an emphasis on excellent performance is necessary, corresponding to today's competitive, competitive era. Although the performance model of education provides an intellectually enriching environment, it is not emotionally "nourishing". The child is rarely positively appreciated, on the other hand, all his failures are noticed, criticized and punished by the parents. There is little room for the child to make free decisions. The choice of sports, art and language clubs is not so much guided by his interest as by the parent's interest and belief in what his child should - or even must - excel in. School and leisure activities fill the entire space of the day and are also strictly evaluated. The more extreme is the upbringing, in which there are few expressions of love, low acceptance of the child, high demands together with criticism of his "imperfections", the more often negative consequences are manifested. One of them is the child's fear of school, guilt, failure and fear of failure.
In this study, we will try to convey to the reader an example of psychotherapeutic work with a child who has an extreme fear of testing at school. To solve the problem, we used the Technique of Transformation of Negative Experience into Positive (TTNPP), which we have been working with for a long time and have very good experience with it. We also briefly published its principles in the monograph New challenges in psychology (Prevendárová et al., 2017).
If we want to include the procedure presented here in some already known system, its basis is deep psychodynamically oriented psychotherapy, but it is also inspired by cognitive therapies (Prochaska-Norcross, 1999) and the rational-emotional therapy of Albert Ellis (Ellis, A.-Dryden, W., 2007). We guide clients to emotional abreaction, which we consider to be an essential factor in healing. However, we also pay attention to changing their thoughts and beliefs. Similar to Ellis (2007), we often encounter clients with an irrational belief that human value depends on how successful a person is in life. Another negative belief is that people should treat us according to our expectations. Failure to meet these expectations is very frustrating and usually leads to anger and discouragement.
The therapeutic process based on TTNPP is relatively fast. It is a short therapy in the range of 3 to 5 sessions, depending on the problem being solved. Clients usually notice emotional relief already during the first therapy session and after a certain time are able to use the given work procedure on their own, without professional assistance. Therefore, we consider this method of assistance to be an important tool in the prevention of mental disorders and a path to personal development, suitable especially for adult clients. We also have positive experiences with technology with teenage children, as this post suggests. For younger children, we use play therapy procedures combined with family therapy. The goal is to improve the relationship between parent and child and to help individual family members create an accepting environment in which they can fully express their thoughts, feelings and successfully solve problems.
Regardless of whether we are working with a child or an adult, we consider it especially important to build a relationship with the client in the first contact. The topic of the initial conversation always depends on his/her current needs and interests. The conversation is conducted in a friendly, respectful spirit. We try to accept a person as he is, to accept his feelings, emotions, past and resulting actions and behavior. During therapy, we do not evaluate the client's behavior, rather we support him in self-discovery and expression. If he is internally ready for change, wants to get rid of unpleasant thoughts and emotions, we can start the therapy itself. The procedure is as follows:
First, we start with a brief explanation of what will happen. We guide the client to accurately identify and formulate those negative processes that are currently resonating in him/her. It consists of the so-called key phrases. These are focused on one's negative emotional experience, but also unpleasant memories, ideas, judgments or beliefs... The key sentence is generally: "I feel so and so in such and such a situation", or "I am convinced that...", "I think that..." (eg: ... "that no one likes me"). With his/her subjective estimate, the client quantifies the initial intensity of hurtful emotions and thoughts according to how much they bother him/her. The estimate can be a percentage, or on a scale from 0 to 10 points, where 10 represents the highest possible limit. In the next phase, the client verbally repeats the key sentence several times in a row, which has an interesting effect: With each subsequent repetition, the intensity of the contained negative emotion decreases. Verbal repetition of the key phrase allows you to separate yourself, i.e. the conscious inner observer from these mental and emotional processes and stop identifying with them. The client continuously checks and subjectively evaluates the intensity of hurtful thoughts and feelings, and at the moment when the key phrase loses its truth because it has been deactivated or demystified, it is replaced by the so-called a healing sentence. Sayings that contain an important positive message can be considered healing. They refer to the acceptance of facts that cannot be changed, the acceptance of the given state, as well as the understanding of the context, as well as appreciation, thanks or forgiveness of oneself and others. We also recommend verbalizing the healing sentences repeatedly until they are sufficiently anchored in the emotional and mental level of the client. They induce a state of emotional harmony and strengthen newly acquired healthy attitudes and beliefs.
On the recommendation of a pediatrician, a mother with her 13-year-old daughter (7th grade of primary school), otherwise an excellent student, with excellent academic results throughout her schooling, visited our psychotherapy clinic. The reason was the girl's longer-lasting problems, manifesting on a physical level as diarrhea, nausea, difficulty breathing and sleep disorders, which intensified at the end of the school year and were evidently related to her fear of school, especially fear of exams. After the hearing and a short anamnestic interview with the mother, we continued individual work with the daughter without the presence of the mother. In the following case report, the procedure of the therapeutic conversation, conducted on the principles of TTNPP, is captured.
Note: KV- key phrase, LV- healing phrase
Client: KV: "I'm afraid that I will forget what I learned in front of the blackboard". (8 out of 10 points) KV: "I'm afraid that I won't be able to respond when I get the wrong question". (5 out of 10 points) KV: "I'm afraid that teacher V. will laugh at me". (3 out of 10 points)
The therapist helps with the initial assessment of the intensity of the fear and asks: "Has this happened to you?" Client: "No... but she is so strict". Therapist: "Have you ever had other teachers laugh at you when you didn't know something?" Comment: Exploring the past is always part of our deeply psychodynamically oriented approach. The client (after thinking for a while): "Yes, in the 5th grade with teacher K. I answered in front of the blackboard and got a two, I must have forgotten something." Therapist: "Did she laugh at you?" Client: "No, but mom was very angry afterwards. She always asks what I did wrong when I don't have a unit". Comment: There was a short conversation about the fact that the daughter is afraid of her mother's reproaches for "bad grades", which also means a two. The mother is nervous, often shouts and reproaches her daughter for all sorts of things, while not commenting on her efforts or "good marks" (units).
This was followed by the formulation of the two biggest fears and their deactivation using verbal repetition. The number of repetitions is different for individual formulas (approximately 8-10 repetitions within a few minutes). It is essential that the therapist, in cooperation with the client, be able to recognize and reflect the client's feelings and their intensity. Client: KV: "I'm afraid I'll forget something and the teacher won't give me a good grade". KV: "I'm afraid that my mother will be angry with me".
Comment: During the deactivation of the original fear emotion, other, previously unreflected emotions, such as anger and a sense of injustice, gradually emerge from the subconscious layer. Client: KV: "It's unfair that K. gave me a bad grade". KV: "I'm angry that K. gave me a bad grade". KV: "I'm angry that she didn't appreciate how much I was learning".
Comment: The following is the formulation of irrational beliefs proposed by the therapist, related to the teacher and the mother at the same time. The client has the opportunity to realize the interconnectedness of her thoughts and feelings with both persons. Repeating these key phrases eventually deactivates them naturally and quickly. Client: KV: "It's unfair that I wasn't good enough for teacher K. and I'm not good enough for my mom either." KV: "It hurts me a lot that I have no value to them as a person". Comment: All emerging emotions or negative thoughts need to be deactivated using verbal repetition. In the given case, after deactivating the key sentences, the intensity of processed emotions remained in the range of 0 - 3 points. Only then was it possible to start working with healing sentences. Comment: Suggestions for healing sentences were first offered by the therapist, but with the consent of the client after their approval. A healing sentence is correctly formulated if it does not provoke any resistance, but on the contrary gives meaning and calms. Client: LV: "I accept the fact that teacher K. did not appreciate my performance as I would have liked". LV: "I accept the fact that even my mother can't appreciate me". LV: “I give up my expectations that adults are perfect”.
Comment: Subsequently, the therapist brings up the topic of father. It will emerge from the upcoming interview that the father does not join the "terror", but prefers to remain silent in order to keep the house calm. The therapist therefore suggests emotional processing of this topic as well through key and healing sentences. Client: KV: "Dad, I'm sorry you'll never stick up for me". (9 out of 10 points) Comment: In this case, the deactivation took a little longer and was more violent, accompanied by a loud cry. Then it was possible to establish a curative sentence. Client: LV: "Dad, I forgive you for never standing up for me".
Comment: After processing the topic of the father, we return to the mother again. Since the initially negative emotions have already been deactivated, we are looking for a suitable healing phrase together with the client. Client: LV: "Mom, I forgive you for trying to make me perfect, but you can't".
Comment: After removing the fear associated with the teacher and the mother, the interview revealed the need to process the client's relationship with herself. Emotions related to one's own person sometimes remain unreflected and unrecognized for a long time, but we consider it necessary to pay attention to them as well. Client: KV: "I'm angry with myself for making mistakes and not being good enough". (8 out of 10 p., after deactivation 0)
The therapist's interpretation: "You strive for perfection just like your mother, but you can't..." Comment: The therapist this time turns her attention to the interrelationships between the client and her mother. Then he suggests healing sentences, which the girl reinforces by repeating them. Client: LV: "I allow myself not to be perfect". LV: "I'm good the way I am".
Final evaluation of the fear of testing and visualization of the problem situation
Therapist: "Close your eyes and imagine that the bell is ringing, the Slovak class is starting. You have been studying, you know the new material as well as the previous ones (estimated fear intensity: 0 points). Teacher V. is calling you in front of the blackboard. Imagine that you are walking towards the blackboard (fear intensity is kept at 1-2 points). Imagine that you are answering. Did you say everything you wanted to?" Client (after a while): "I think so" (fear 1). Therapist: "The teacher still gives you a 2. What do you think?" Client: "I'm not happy, but I'm not afraid" (fear 0). Therapist: "You go home, you call your mother at work that you got a two. Are you scared?" Client: "No, I don't." (fear 0).
Notes and comments at the end
The goal of this case study was to provide readers with a concrete, real picture of the course of psychotherapy work, using the Technique of transforming negative experiences into positive ones.
The emotional world of teenagers is shaken. Part of it is not only fear, but often also anger at oneself and at parents and friends, a feeling of disappointment, insecurity, etc. The topic of self-evaluation is also important at this age. Therefore, we consider it highly desirable to help clients process negative experiences and teach them various techniques of self-regulation, i.e. conscious management of their thoughts, emotions and behavior. In this case, two sessions in a time span of 1 and a half hours were enough to completely eliminate the problem with which the girl had previously struggled for a long time. It should be noted that a child (just like an adult) determines the path by himself/herself, at his/her own pace, which is different in each case and cannot be accelerated. Attention should also be paid to the child's parents, who also have a problem with fear, anger, or psychological traumas that they have experienced during their lives and thus - albeit unintentionally and unconsciously - transfer them to their offspring.
Author: Doc. PaedDr. Jitka Derková, PhD. Therapeutic center Dr. Prevendárová Derková s.r.o. in Bratislava www.terapeutickecentrum.com
Literature:
Derková, J. (2018). Family as an educational environment. Bratislava: Ikar, 146 p. ISBN 978-80-8200-034-7 Ellis, A. - Dryden, W. (2007). The Practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. 2nd ed., Springer Publ. Company, 280 p. ISBN 978-08-2612-217-9 Prevendárová, J. et al. (2017). New challenges in psychology. Loading Palma: Silůvky, 238 p. ISBN 978-80-904620-0-7 Prochaska, J.O.- Norcross, J.C. (1999). Psychotherapeutic systems - a cross-section of theories. Grada: Prague 1999. ISBN 80-7169-766-4 Valkovič, I. (2007). The 10 Most Influential Therapists of the Last 25 Years. Bulletin Empatia, vol. XIV, no. 51, Bratislava 2007. Translation with English. of the original "The Top 10: The Most Influential Therapists...". [online], [cit. 13.2.2010]. Available at: https://www.satir-institute.sk/2010/02/top-10-06.html