Every encounter with people and communication with them involves an exchange of opinions, attitudes, and viewpoints, even moods. The individuality of each of us suggests that our opinions, attitudes, and ideas can differ considerably. At the moment when two ideas, interests, or two attitudes collide, a conflict arises. Its intensity and duration can vary greatly. The actual resolution of the conflict may or may not occur.
A new social worker joined a relatively well-functioning team. She wanted to actively participate in the joint work, she got involved, she tried to help wherever she could. But according to her words, an older, more experienced colleague was throwing obstacles in her way. She did not help, did not advise, left her to sink in everything. The relationship between the two colleagues went so far that the younger one sought help from a psychologist. She was afraid to go to work, suffered from insomnia and loss of appetite. Any contact with her colleague was difficult for her. The shared office triggered panic attacks of anxiety in her. She felt that her colleague hated her and was trying to drive her out of the job. She was bothered that she deliberately slammed doors and clicked her heels. At the same time, she felt that her older colleague did not work as she should, took shortcuts, and tried to get as much as possible out of many situations. Each of the two workers had a different family background.
Interpersonal and Intrapersonal Conflicts
What conflicts actually occurred in the workplace? At first glance, an interpersonal conflict between the two workers is evident. What kind of conflict could this have been? It was probably a conflict of ideas, as well as attitudes and interests. A conflict of ideas arises from our opinions about a particular situation or problem-solving. In our case, such a conflict of ideas would be a dispute about how to solve a specific problem brought in, for example, by a social service user. A conflict of attitudes would appear in contradictory approaches to the user. A conflict of interests arises from the goal-setting of both workers. What is more important for which one? In the eyes of the younger one, we could consider this very conflict of interests as the most significant of all mentioned.
An interpersonal conflict was mentioned; it is probably very difficult to estimate its strength. A classic conflict requires two opposing sides. Yet in this case, the problem is perhaps felt only by the younger colleague. The older one might consider the avoidance of contact as perhaps disagreements in life attitudes, or might even assume that the younger colleague has difficulty adapting to new conditions. She therefore does not attribute such significance to this situation. That is another essential characteristic of conflict. If my attitudes, interests, and opinions do not align with someone else's attitudes, interests, and opinions, it is necessary to communicate this fact. Otherwise, the other side may not correctly read our message and may simply feel that we are withdrawn, sullen, or aloof by nature. At the same time, another type of conflict arises — an intrapersonal conflict.
An intrapersonal conflict is an internal conflict. It occurs perhaps even more often than external conflict. (Křivohlavý, 1988)
In the case of our young worker, we could describe the internal conflict as a struggle of ideas that may race through the minds of many workers in the social sphere: "Can I handle helping others?" "Did my approach help, or did it instead worsen the user's life situation?" "Am I capable of handling such work?" "Is this what good work looks like?" "Am I behaving correctly toward my colleague? I do not like her approach to me and to the users, but what if it is just my view of the whole situation, and that might be distorted." In the social sphere, uncertainty about results and their usefulness is a particularly relevant topic.
Types of Conflicts
Both intrapersonal and interpersonal conflicts can have different natures. Three types of conflicts are usually distinguished. The first is a conflict called appetence — appetence. It is a struggle between two positive forces in a conflict. We choose which would be better. "Would it be better to buy new furniture for the dining room with the money received from a sponsor, or for the common room for users?"
The second type of conflict is a conflict of two negative forces, aversion — aversion. Our example young worker might be dealing with an internal conflict: "Should I inform my supervisor about my older colleague's behavior, or should I rather continue to endure her behavior? What negative consequences could arise from both options?"
The third type of conflict contains both positive and negative components simultaneously, a conflict of appetence — aversion. "Will I apply for the position of manager in this organization? I know I would really enjoy it, but at the same time I am not sure if I can handle the position. Moreover, dealing with subordinates brings many conflict situations, and I do not know exactly how I would resolve them."
Manipulative Jabs
So far, the text has not mentioned conflicts that can release tension. This is not a conflict in the true sense of the word, even though at first glance it may look like a conflict. It is used in manipulative cascades by some people. It is a release at someone else's expense. From a psychological perspective, it is inappropriate behavior, and it is good to know about it so that we can actively defend against it. To illustrate, I will use an analogy from my colleague M. Pospíšil, author of many books on communication and assertiveness. People walk around with two stamp albums. In one, they save all positive experiences, praise, and caresses from other people. In the other album, they carry all negative experiences, insults, anger, and rage. The album with negative stamps is heavy; it is not easy to go through life with it, so we try to get rid of all those ugly stamps. But stamps are difficult to discard; they return to us with the wind that blows around us. An easier way to get rid of negative stamps is to gift the people around us with these very negative stamps. Such a gifting is done by means of a jab. A jab is a general, derogatory statement that we fling in another person's face. Jabs are manipulative methods for getting rid of negative feelings at the expense of others. If we fling at someone something like "you really look something today" or "you are just like your mother," then it is merely a general statement that can offend one person and release the other's tension. In the case of manipulative jabs, we cannot speak of constructive conflict resolution. The conflict then arises as a secondary product. Any use of jabs to release one's own tension is inappropriate. (Pospíšil, 1996)
The First Step in Conflict Resolution
Let us look away for a moment from conflicts created by jabs. Let us focus on the interpersonal conflict that can arise in the workplace. We are again with our young worker who has problems with her older colleague. An exact guide on how to resolve conflicts can never be found. But there are rules that can lead to better management of conflict.
First of all, it is necessary to identify the conflict. To distinguish what type of conflict it is, how long it has been going on, between whom it arises, and possibly which other employees are involved directly or indirectly. Who participates in the conflict? The goal is initially to learn as much as possible about the course of the conflict. How did the conflict develop, what exactly do both sides want to achieve? How do both sides act? In the case of our model dispute, the younger worker should precisely monitor what behavior of her colleague bothers her, what specifically she would need to change. If she has an idea of what exactly she needs, it is time to start resolving the conflict. I consider opening the actual problem to be one of the most difficult phases of conflict resolution. We are stepping onto thin ice. The hard-won certainty-uncertainty becomes, for a moment, genuine uncertainty.
Clarifying Arguments
In this phase, we try to grasp the problem in the specific wording of all involved. Conflict resolution often cannot do without emotions. Nevertheless, it is more advantageous to suppress emotions for a moment, or at least to step back from them. In our case, the younger worker should open up about the problem she feels. She should describe where exactly she sees the problem and propose a solution.
After a long period of deliberation, the worker indeed resolved to talk out the conflict with her older colleague. She described her feelings to her, tried to explain what bothered her about her colleague's behavior, wanted to know the other side's opinions, and agreed to a compromise in their dealings and behavior toward each other. To her surprise, the older colleague thought the problem was caused by their larger age difference; she was not aware of the problems the younger colleague was feeling, and had no idea that her behavior could trigger panic attacks. She clarified that she likes her work, and she certainly tries to make it easier for herself, but not at the expense of users or colleagues. At home, she has problems with raising her older son, who is going through puberty, and she herself admits that she may sometimes compensate for this problem in communication with others.
Seeking a Solution
If a person finds themselves in a heated dispute, it is recommended first of all to listen to the other side and look for the real causes of the conflict. I would venture to assert that more than half of conflicts arise from causes that are only hinted at in the conflict itself, not explicitly stated. If we uncover the essence of the conflict, the solution is then easier (Horáková et al., 2008).
What are the other side's ideas about resolving the dispute? What specific steps need to be taken? Good advice for anyone who finds themselves in a conflict situation: listen to what the other person says, perceive why they are saying it and what they mean by it.
The goal of the conflict should not be to get one's own way. The ideal solution for both sides is to reach a compromise — the win-win method. Convincing the other side of my truth and pushing through my approach may not actually mean a victory in the end. If we are working in a collaborative team, then such insistence on having one's own way can cause problems in further work. If a worker is not convinced that the approach is the result of teamwork, then their motivation noticeably decreases. By insisting on our own truth, we are actually denying the results of the Hawthorne studies — a person works harder when they participate in work whose goal they themselves have set. (Štikar et al., 2003)
In the case of the conflict between the colleagues, it was essentially a misunderstanding, which however led to unpleasant internal conflicts. If the younger colleague had not expressed her feelings, it could easily have happened that she would leave the team and look for another position. A conflict remains a conflict, even if not expressed, until it is resolved. In our case, the situation gradually stabilized; a great benefit was the cooperative approach of both parties to solving the problem. The younger colleague's somatic reactions gradually disappeared.
However we look at conflicts, it is always necessary to remember that conflicts are a driving force that changes our ideas, opinions, and attitudes. If we imagined a team without conflicts, it would not be a team. Looking at conflict as something that can enrich me, move me further, that is an important moment in the work process.
PhDr. Kateřina Stibalová Horáková, I., Stejskalová, D., Škapová, H.: Strategie firemní komunikace. MP, Praha 2008. Křivohlavý, J.: Jak si navzájem lépe porozumět. Svoboda, Praha 1988. Pospíšil, M.: Asertivita. Vlastní náklad, Plzeň, 1996. Štikar, J., Rymeš, M., Riegel, K., Hoskovec, J.: Psychologie ve světě práce. Karolinum, Praha 2003.
The article was published in the professional journal Sociální služby - March 2011 More information can be obtained on the websites http://www.socialnisluzby.eu and http://www.apsscr.cz.